short funny golf poemsshort funny golf poems

A ball moved or destroyed by enemy action, can be replaced without. Could tell, if bodies in the scales were laid. 36 Famous Golf Quotes and Funny Golf Sayings Magazines, 24: Online Golf quotes & golf quotes funny. She replied, I'm on the 7th hole, and you're a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole. Required fields are marked *. Even God cant hit a 1 iron., 35. In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft; today, in civilized society, its called golf. Golf funny poems or funny poems about Golf. And I know I'm supposed to go toward it, But I'm being waved back the other way. Funny Friendship Poems is a collection for those friends in your life that makes you smile or laugh extra hard. A tuning fork goes off in your heart and your balls., 45. In such a crowd, distinguish man from man. That they had such a man to represent them: Theres one thing onlywhen hes on the roll. ball!" 3 - keep the humor and the poems clean for all ages. I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they'd come up sliced., 36. A good walk spoiled. As Jimmy sank his putt, Matt suddenly jumped out of the cart and dropped his pants. Lewis Carroll. To play the shorts, putt, and be comfortable! After years of patient study (and with cricket there can be no other kind), I have decided that there is nothing wrong with the game that the introduction of golf carts wouldnt fix in a hurry., 85 You know what the game of golf is, dont you? How to manage by sleeping in snatches. 'Cause then I would lose those sweet five hour buffers! Were he but once in Parliament, methinks. 8 Messy Room by Shel Silverstein. But it hooked into the rough, making me feel pain., This is the life of a golf ball roughly slapped, I felt a bit groggy, my meal had been soggy, I raised my club back and unloaded my whip, But I hit myself painfully, forgot to clear my hips, Wailing on the tee box, as if I had stepped on Lego blocks, The spectators laughed, thats what you get when you throw rocks, She says Im losing money to golf like a drug, My wife is mad, unfortunately not mad in love, She says I play too much golf, gave my equipment a shove, Ill burn the house down if you play every day! she said, So I took my clubs out and headquartered in the shed, I started practicing on my backyard putting green, The air smelled good, it was oh so pristine, Until I started smelling smoke, the smell was dire, I turned around and woah, the house was on fire!, Never let them during your swing make a sound, Even if it were carried by a friendly mole!, He yells Hold on! 4. So much of children's literature features animals so I started with six delightful poems that can be memorized. Golf is a puzzle without an answer. One day they were playing a heated match and watching each other like hawks. Whiz round his head his supple club he throws. 19. 100+ Happy 42nd Birthday Quotes For Male And Female Celebrants, Heres One Quote from Every Talk in the October 2021 General Conference, 21 Intoxicating New Orleans Quotes to Inspire Your Trip to the Big Easy. 1. So the dentist asks Martin, "Which tooth is it, Sir? Daphne du Maurier, The Birds And Other Stories. All stories are moderated before being published. I think my wife Sharon might be dead., What do you mean you think shes dead? We reach the green at last, at even strokes; Some caddy chatters, that the chief provokes. The preacher teed it up, and hit a pretty fair drive, low and straight. As they are retreating to the bedroom for the first time, the husband looks deeply into his wifes eyes. And had a most terrible fall. You stand too close to the ball after youve hit it., 26. If I hit it left, it's a hook. His clubs are old models and not up to snuff. John told him, One stroke penalty, for improving your lie., After they went into the locker room, another golfer who had heard the old guys talking about their game went to the pro and asked, Ive been playing golf for a long time and thought I knew all the terminology of the game, but whats a rider?, The pro said, A rider is when you hit the ball far enough to actually get in the golf cart and ride to it., Nick and Lou head out for a quick round of golf. These short and funny poems for kids are sure to get your kids interested, you may remember some from your own childhood, and there are a few modern short poems for kids here too. It makes fools of us all. A trophy now takes pride of place on the shelf, A humorous shaggy dog style poem mixing golf and sex. Nick says to Lou, Lets say we make the time worth the while, at least for one of us, and spot $5 on the lowest score for the day.. Subscribe. The best part is you don't have to find someone to bait your hook. I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators., 41. My husband plays golf, or at least he does try. 6. Funny Poems About Golf or Golf Funny Poems . 20. You play great for 17 holes and then hit your drive on #18 out of bounds. Dont take yourself or your next shot too seriously. Quote #50 "I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles." G. K. Chesterton. P-U-T-T is correct, the instructor replied. Ifas each tree, and rock, and cave of old, Thou hast thy nymph; I ask for nothing but, Now for the second: And here Baird and Clan. Read, share, and enjoy these Golf funny poems! Nick looks at him forlornly, After all the years weve been friends, youd cheat me on golf for a measly five bucks?, What do you mean cheat? Rick Hunter, Not Smart Enough For A Smart Phone By I bet the best game ever played. Dont even putt., 10. 85. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps." Tiger Woods. My computer has a language That is foreign to me It speaks of RAM and Gigabytes And what could ROM be!. He watched the preacher walk confidently to the first tee, a short par-4. Ill have you know Ive been standing on your ball for the last three minutes!, A golfer sliced a ball into a field of chickens, striking one of the hens and killing it instantly. He saw a lady playing ahead of him. She said "Good, I'll be there at 6:30 or quarter to seven. Since theyre short on time, they decide to play only 9 holes. Whilst with long strokes, and short strokes, they tend to the goal. Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. While you read these funny poems, take a moment to refresh your memory about the rules for haikus. Your email address will not be published. ORourke, Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book For Rude People. Well take them as they come:He next the wall. More Short Golf Jokes & Puns. 18. Irwin Mercer, A Geezer's Gripings By you could not have done more; Tis bad, but still we may get home at four.. If you drink, dont drive. Funny Short Poem #4. I would like to deny all allegations by Bob Hope that during my last game of golf, I hit an eagle, a birdie, an elk and a moose., are like aspirin. We would be having fun and laughing. Authors; Topics; Movie Quotes; TV Show Quotes; QuotesGram. Published by Family Friend Poems August 2020 with permission of the author. Golf bags & gear designed fore the weekend. It took one afternoon on the golf course., 47. Furthermore, the old man moves along without wasting any time. 21. Well-whiskerd face, and radiant with a smile; He bows, shakes hands, and has a word for all. The Golf Tragic. Youve got to be the worst caddie in the world! he yelled. Its basketball for people who cant jump and chess for people who cant think., 86 I play golf with friends sometimes, but there are never friendly games.. *. Our adult only golf jokes are available here, or if you want jokes for all ages, check out our selection of fun, clean . Nandita Shailesh Shanbhag, If Four Is A Party, This Is A Parade By It's about knowing ur self. WHAT daring genius first yclept thee Hell? What do you call it here in Ireland? After a moment of silence, one of the locals replies, Hitting three., 57. The pricing of golf wear just couldn't be crasser - O'Rourke. ", They were hesitant but said she could come once to try it. Knock, knock. Its cheaper than a shrink and there are no telephones on my golf cart., See also: Heres One Quote from Every Talk in the October 2021 General Conference, 59. If you break 80, watch your business. autosweblog.com. If you break 80, watch your business.. The Awesome Strength It Does Possess. And though it appears so very sad, Twas teacher didn't know how to add, After all these years, to your delight, It's evident you are quite bright, You see your math was always right, For it happens just . Soooop of the eeevening, Beautiful, beautiFUL SOUP! We learn so many things from golf how to suffer, for instance. -, 27. The man has a little dog with him and on the first green, when the man holes out a 20 foot putt. Every golfer needs the basics to enjoy the game, and that includes the best golf cooler. Im not too sure. 95 quotes have been tagged as golf. Category. GolfIts like playing solitaire. It is bad to have an empty purse, But an empty head is a whole lot worse. Basketball is a sport for black men. All the honours usurped, and assumed the chief place; But truth bids the muse from henceforward proclaim. FREE SHIPPING | FREE RETURNS | LIFETIME WARRANTY. Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose., 41 Dont play too much golf. The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest golf cart never has to play the bad lie., 39. He pounds one down the center of the fairway. You are free to use any of the golf verses golf poems golf quotes in your cards scrapbooks text messages however you wish you are also permitted to link to this page or any other page on the site without requesting permission from verses poems quotes. ", She said, "Then I'll be here at nine o'clock.". It's not quite a car, but I'm still very proud; Enjoy our golf jokes and golf puns! Ive seen lifelong friends drift apart over golf just because one could play better, but the other counted better., 25. Noah golf pro who can, Nick was in big trouble when he forgot his. A hole-in-one certificate he presents to me. If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Poems on Golf, a poetry compilation by the Edinburgh Burgess Golfing Society. Jack Benny. Live on Greens, thats what the doctors say., It hawks and slices and dribbles and dies, Then disappears right before our ******* eyes, We swim were gonna get the goddamn thing out, Because the ball knows well be back tomorrow. The scene of a man kneeling next to his playing partners bare rear end was too much for the group playing behind the twosome. Oh, How Bland It Does Appear,. One may do you good, but if you swallow the whole bottle you will be lucky to survive., 44. Manage Settings Shrapnel may be moved on the fairway, or in the bunkers, without. Martin says to the dentist, "Doc, I'm in one heck of a hurry. Youve just gotta make sure you keep your left arm straight and your head down longer.. penalty. Edgar Albert Guest (4 poem) Billy Collins (1 poem) Andrew Lang (1 poem) Ellis Parker Butler (1 poem) Robert Fuller Murray (2 poem) Norman Rowland Gale (1 poem) When he might give them two, or even more. With which I need not decorate my verses. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. 36. 12. A golfer was having a terrible round 20-over par for the front nine with a bunch of balls lost in the water or rough. Molly, his wife, told him, 'Tomorrow there better be something in the driveway for me that goes from zero to 200 in 2 seconds flat.'. P-U-T means to place a thing where you want it. It's how well you recover from them, that's the mark of a great player.". The entire rest of the day, it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry!. A major golf tournament is 40,000 sadists watching 144 masochists., 26. Golf has probably kept more people sane than psychiatrists have., 16. I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles dave barry. Your head's starting to look more and more like a golf ball - bald and dimpled. How to Become a Professional Golf Instructor? GolfIt is an outdoor recreational sport that probably originated in Scotland in the 15th century. These funny golf sayings are sure to make your friends laugh. Search short poems about Golf by length and keyword. If you are caught in a storm and are afraid of lightning hold up a 1 iron. You dont know what pressure is until you play for five bucks with only two bucks in your pocket., 4. A life built on the sands of materialism. far and sure! fill the bumper and drain it. effort at hitting the ball. We sincerely hope these poems got a chuckle or two out of you, and encourage you to share some of these with your friends and family! Golf hair - Don't care! Golf is what you play when youre too out of shape to play other sports. When your jokes are not funny. There was once a sailor named Ron who told to his date ''you are tight one, aren't you?'' It's not just a sport, it's a full-blown obsession See also: 21 Intoxicating New Orleans Quotes to Inspire Your Trip to the Big Easy, Your email address will not be published. I am a golfing addict and every chance I get Im going to go and have a round., OK, said his wife. And down through contact, always down, striking the ball crisply, with character. To live life as you please. Clubbing! It took one afternoon on the golf course. - Hank Aaron, 45. Confirmed, is wondrous apt to put us out. 19. "Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.". Its top speed was 15 mph and it had just a 15 mile range it was essentially a golf cart with a windshield wiper and a horn., 69 Golf is a worriers game, inward, concentrated, a matter of inches, invented by the same people who gave us Presbyterianism.. Sam Snead. "Well, it's only right," the first golfer replies. We could all smile more while playing the game. This poem is an excerpt from Poems on Golf, a poetry compilation by the . Two rounds a day are plenty., 42. Funny Poems About Teachers. Quote #49 "Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick." P.J. The wine, the ale, the toasts, the jokes, the songs, It may not be! 86. 11. It has taken me nearly 40 years to discover that I cant play it., 64. You can search and find famous golf Poems . O rare!but its a lieIll bet the odds! Golfer: This is the worst golf course I've ever played on! To Philps and to the Union Parlour near. You ought to take more exercise, if youre inclined to have a liver. There is a comedy in this and a certain unfairness even, which makes golf an even apter mirror of reality.. I don't unerstand the cures That maintenance wizards do It's called defragmenter, span disk, And virus cleaning too!. Dinky, stinky Shoeless Pete. Not even God can hit a 1-iron, 28. 87. Golfer: "I think I'll go drown myself in that lake.". An insomniac young fellow named Hatches. Of course, you need some cl Do you get to pick the location of your wedding? Short funny golf quotes and sayings the only thing a golfer needs is more daylight ben hogan golf is a good walk spoiled mark twain the most important shot in golf is the next one ben hogan most people play a fair game of golf if you watch them joey adams may thy ball lie in green pastures and not in still waters ben hogan. Born to golf; forced to work. 45 The main idea in golf as in life, I suppose is to learn to accept what cannot be altered, 46 It took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. A woman standing near the tee said, "Hey, I like to golf, can I join the group? Hopefully, you enjoyed these poems that should be some of the best golf poems ever! Learn to laugh at your bad shots and youll start to enjoy this great game even more. I never play golf because it takes too long, and the business connections it produces can be made just as easily over an early breakfast., 78. I play golf with friends sometimes, but there are never friendly games. - Ben Hogan. If I hit it straight, it's a miracle. Though winter will be difficult, Poem details by jan allison categories. How to Become a Professional Golf Instructor? Happy birthday! He woke up at night. 71. Is the word spelled P-U-T or P-U-T-T? She asked her instructor. What could be the best of both worlds? But on the twelfth hole, when he twice failed to hit out of a sand trap, he lost his resolve and let fly with a string of expletives. more by Cynthia C. Naspinski. An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, its always possible to get worse. And cursed be the clown who would dare to offend them! Funny golf poems quotes. Best Friends. far and sure! twas the cry of our fathers. Golf all the dayand Houris all the night! GolfThis is a puzzle with no answer. The golf tips on YouTube, the knowledge he gleans! Who dreamed he was eating his shoe. whose shoes don't fit on his small feet? Drink to the putter, the balls, and the hole; And may every true Golfer invariably find. And well he plays, though, rising on his toes. Allan Sherman, AGift of Laughter The Autobiography Of Allan Sherman. The distance was insane, beyond my brain. As he is about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffles onto the tee and asks if he can join him. The golf balls are the important things-your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions-and . Explained! Otherwise, I hope you enjoyed these short one liners. What Is A Free Drop In Golf? To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly. Mickey Mantle. There you go! It doesn't mean your fit But it will soften any tension It could be consider stress prevention. Man from Peru. Against the sky, displayd in high relief. Short funny golf quotes and sayings the only thing a golfer needs is more daylight ben hogan golf is a good walk spoiled mark twain the most important shot in. The Masters played in November And the Open, not at all. Now optimism's in the air, A vaccine's on the way. It works the balls so well against the wind. Golf is a game in which you yell four, shoot six, and write down five., 30. (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}). 26. Lou agrees and they enjoy a great game. Down below is a curated list of some of our favorite golf poems (the last one is not a biased selection at all)! Jean Giraudoux, TheDoctor In TheEnchanted A Comedy In Three Acts. Matthew E. Adams, Fairways Of Life: GolfWisdom from The Legends. What Is A Concession In Golf? There have been novels, short stories, essays, coffee table photo books and collections of art. Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf, and you can keep the fresh air and the round of golf. -, 33. Most everyone can relate to silly poems such as this one. This Is So True With Golf And Life Quote Thoughtoftheday Lorisgolfshoppe Golf Quotes Golf Inspiration Golf Humor. What Is A Concession In Golf? They always have their golf clubs with them. You might also like these funny quotes about golf. If your opponent cant remember if he shot a six or a seven on a hole, chances are he had an eight on it. The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has., 32. Here you will find List of poems with theme as funny and also funny poems. With lots of Gourlays, free from spot or stain; He whirls his club to catch the proper swing. With a big smile, he asks the others, In the States, we call that a mulligan. Todays Friday and we have a 10:00 AM tee time at the best golf course in town and it's 9:15 already ", The dentist thought to himself, "My goodness, this is surely a very brave man asking to have a tooth pulled without using anything to kill the pain." Funny Golf Quotes For Women. 1 Now We Are Six by A.A. Milne. The Old Testament is responsible for more atheism, agnosticism, disbelief call it what you will than any book ever written; it has emptied more churches than all the counter attractions of cinema, motor bicycle and golf course., 19. Can be destroyed by the floods of adversity. But when he winds his horn, and leads the chase. Harvey Penick, ThePlay A Lifetime: More Lessons And Teachings. *. Can be blown down by the winds of disillusionment. Heres Mr. Messieux, hes a noble player. Although golf was originally r. From the outfits to the fact that it is ridiculously expensive it s easy to poke fun at the sport. A threat to all save Allan might give pause: And frequent from within come tones of fear. Then fill up your glass, and let each social soul. 7. The tip-top hands that to the Club belong; Whose play, at times, can scarcely be surpassd. Funny limericks are a variation of the popular five line rhyming poem, these limerick poems incorporate a funny story or funny rhymes to make you laugh. Only the life that is built on the rock of character. Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe -, 34. I ask him., 34. Caddie: Try heaven. Ive found my ball! he announces triumphantly. Here is a collection of 20 golf quotes - some are inspirational and others are golf sayings that will hopefully bring a smile to your face. He was understandably upset and sought out the farmer. The Rock and the Bubble by Louisa May Alcott. Double Bogie: 'Casablanca' followed by 'African Queen'. in spring-flow gaps, the thin clear. 21. AGolfers can always win by knowing funny golf phrases. Gone golfin' be back dark thirty. Robert Frost, ' Fire and Ice '. Life is so filled with pleasure, Poems are truly vehicles full of metaphors and other tools that can inspire our soul and make us feel relatable emotions. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Time to get back to the quick golf zingers! 24. It has charms for the aged, as well as the young. How many eggs a day do you lay?. I . The grass alas is shorn like corn the dew eschews forlorn this morn the crowd avowed the ball and all then groans and moans clubs thrown are known. And demolish a monster when armed with a club; But what were the monsters which Hercules slew. It is clear that the game of golf may well be included in that category of intolerable provocations which may legally excuse or mitigate behaviour not otherwise excusable., 83. ", She showed up right at 6:30 and wound up setting a course record with a 7-under-par round. The first player stops, doffs his cap, and bows his head as the procession passes. Golf poems by famous poets and best golf poems to feel good. In this article, we gathered (and in some cases wrote) some of the funniest golf poems ever for you to read, sing out loud, and enjoy. I then might shake the gazing world like them; Time-honourd Golf!I heard it whisperd once, That he who could not play was held a dunce. Far and sure! short funny birthday limerick, Video Search Engine at . What high, poetic, awe-struck grand old Golfer. Were the golf gods laughing at you? I am past writing angst songs for kids. But never has there been a book like this. See it's not about who watching. 53 Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness., 54 The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody put a flagstick on top., 55 Im not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, theyd come up sliced., 56 The uglier a mans legs are, the better he plays golf its almost a law., 57 You build a golf game like you build a wall, one brick at a time., 58. Golf Quotes Inspirational Funny Golf Quotes For Women Funny Life Quotes Love Golf Quotes Quotes About Golf Famous Golf Quotes Quotes And Sayings About Golfers Influence Quotes And Sayings Abraham Lincoln Quotes Albert Einstein Quotes Bill Gates Quotes Bob Marley Quotes. Noting that her husband looked more haggard and disgruntled than usual after his weekly golf game, his wife asked what was wrong. He mustn't give up when his handicap suffers, Share Your Story Here. Reader, attend! Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air., 20. The poem captures this post-war mood, and is even shorter than Frost's 'The Road Not Taken'. Golf doesnt care if youre famous or a professional golfer. Nick was in big trouble when he forgot his wedding anniversary. Ive played the game for 40 years and I still havent the slightest idea how to play., 43 While playing golf today I hit two good balls. What are poems you would like us to add to this list? There you go! School Trip Poem Pressure is when you play $5 a hole with only $2 in your pocket., 31. The Vision of Judgment by Lord Byron. He tells his playing partners that he is taking a mulligan. A married couple is lying in bed and talking about their future. Quotes. Golf is both a mystical journey of joy and sorrow and a physical journey of cause and effect.. He might have been prime minister, or priest. And retirement shines before you. . I cant wait to be that age and hanging out with a bunch of people hanging out all day playing golf and going to the beach, all my own age. What Is Alternate Shot In Golf? What is your favorite funny golf poem on this list? Whoeer he was, the name befits thee well. Can drive the longest ball upon the Links; And well he plays the spoon and iron, but, Near Captain Cheape, a sailor by profession. Were you touched by this poem? Now, near the hole Sir David plays the odds; Clan plays the like, and wins it, by the gods! Funny Birthday Card Golfing Funny Golf Card Jokes Birthday Cards For Him Hilarious Golf Terms Funny Birthday Cards Birthday Wishes Funny Birthday Humor, Golf Poem Golf Quotes Golf Gifts Golf Rules, A Golfer S Prayer Share It With Every Golfer You Know Find More Golf Ideas Quotes Tips And Lessons At Lorisgolfshoppe Golf Quotes Golf Tips Golf Humor, You Didn T Even Read The Woman S Part Did You Funny Poems Love Quotes Funny Funny Quotes, Golf Quote In 2020 Golf Quotes Golf Quotes Funny Golf Inspiration Quotes, There Are So Many Parallels Between Golf And Life Golf Quotes Golf Humor Golf Rules, Golfers Authority Your 1 Source For Everything Golf Golf Quotes Golf Quotes Funny Golf Inspiration Quotes, Grandfather Golf Art Print With Poem Golf Art Print Sports Art Personalized Art 810 Home Decor Father 39 Personalized Gifts For Dad Personalize Art Golf Art, Using Of Hands And Brain Repin If You Agree Golf Quotes Lorisgolfshoppe Golf Quotes Golf Humor Golf, This Father S Day Poem Golf Journal Design Is A Perfect Gift For Any Dad Or Father Or Papa Who Is An Avid Golfer Wh Fathers Day Poems Golf Quotes Funny Dad, Funeral Poem Ideas Golf Theme Funeral Poems For Dad Funeral Poems Golf Theme, Ode To Golf Golf Lessons Golf Great Poems, The 60 Best Golf Quotes Of All Time Golf Quotes Golf Tips Golf Rules, The Perfect Golf Swing A Humorous Gift Poem About What It Takes To Get The Perfect Golf Swing At Only 13 99 This Tongu Perfect Golf Golf Swing Golf Quotes, The All In One Funeral Personalization Suite Tribute Center Funeral Poems Dad Quotes Father Quotes, Pin By Dixie Chabolla On Hodge Podge Golf Quotes Funny Golf Quotes Golf Inspiration, In Golf As In Life It Is The Follow Through That Makes The Difference Dr Seuss More At Https Www Golf Quotes Golf Quotes Funny Golf Tips For Beginners, Golf Quotes Our Top 20 Golf Quotes Golf Inspiration Quotes Golf Humor. 74. 2. The club, the spoon, the putter, and the ball: For all is doneeach ball arranged on tee. I play in the low 80s. Can I replace the hen?, I dont know about that, replied the farmer, mulling it over. Those are golf balls!, The 8 Best Golf Poems Ever Inspirational Golf Poems. Cheers. Then why did you mark down eight? asked Bob. That's why you don't jump off a wall. 5. Friends Play Golf Together . Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at. was on a warm spring day.

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